It is 9:12 this morning and the party was great yesterday. This is a refuel the body and psyche day. I have learned so much this year!!! Now I feel it would be the time to write some short sweet incredibly thoughtful and poetic summary of those lessons, ending with a positive cheerful what bridges I will conquer next.
And I don’t want to. I am really enjoying being a sober lady, but the more I learn and grow how ever expanding my lack of knowledge becomes.
I have talked about having feelings for someone and did find the courage to be honest. The feelings are not returned in any but a casual friend way. I am glad I was honest and I have added a new mantra to my ever expanding reprotoire “honesty is rad.” And it is. There is a lightness to it. I have stated many times that I like perimeters and honesty really helps to define them. Of course there is a bit of an sadness or bruising of the ego. But then you know the perimiters you are working within.
and for me the whole thing was great as I learned that there were parts of me I had ignored in sobriety. Things I don’t know how to do or let in. And also that I need to repavlov myself for dealing with attraction. So I started to set rules and boundaries for how I go about it. And really, one of the big ones is I have trouble letting people in and trusting. Trust is a problem.
So the party yesterday I sort of began to let people in to take over aspects. And they all did what they said they would! And more! So much more! So when I begin to feel overwhelmed I need to look very carefully at myself and see where I have built up walls. And also make sure that I am not using people to validate things about me I am insecure of. Or lacking.
i must tell you, my dear blog friends, one of my favorite moments yesterday and in a while was playing with my friends kids. It was brilliant! I can’t tell you the joy of having 3 year old rambunctious twins laughing like lunatics, racing around, and using your body as a playground. It was superb! At that point in the day, when I was tired and needed to get out of the party to decompress they were ambrosia! And my heart just swelled with joy.
after it all I proceeded to sleep for about 11 hours. I’m still pooped, and will have quiet time. A quiet day. Family, Christmas, STEAK!, and bon amie.
God Jul alle sammen!