I spoke with my sister in law today and she reminded me that she avidly follows these thoughts. It is cool as if it were prosaic and insipid I believe she’d tell me. It is also a reminder when I’ve had a month of gahs that my thoughts are a record accessible to anyone.
today was my last day at a job that has been more important than I can share. I have not cried about it yet but as I write this feel tears in my eyes. A corporation, knowing my history of alcohol abuse, decided to take a risk and hire me. I worked hard to be the best I could be at a job I was qualified for and fit my temperament. I did good work and will be missed and will miss them.
perhaps this is something only a fellow addict can understand, I didn’t leave a trail of tears and deceit and wreckage behind. I followed the rules to the best of my ability and made the place better because I was there. What a gift! What an entirely unexpected gift.
And damn. As relieved as I am to be focusing on my work I will miss that place a lot. Times change and we sober folk change with them with as much ease temperance and grace as we can.
I was pretty exhausted with a feeling of finality and new challenges will come. Any doubt that I was doing the right thing left as I went to teach. I was tired and kinda just wanted to sleep and when I got there my spark lit up. I found my joy again waiting for me in this beautiful material with my students who are finding the joy!
I will keep working hard and let go and let god and see what adventures come next. I was so excited and lit up by class tonight that I made sausage lentil soup when I came home.
I am SO EXCITED for what happens next.
I drew a cna today. It was so good to draw again!