I started tonight’s. And *poof* it’s gone.
I have gotten sick and am working to keep it at bay. So I’m being quieter.
Josh is still someone I am actively grieving. It’s bringing me back to a childhood and young adult hood that I’ve blocked so much out of. Finding these old pictures or seeing this past is reliving it in a way. Reawakening myself. Which is doubly heart breaking as Josh is no longer an active part.
I always thought there’d be time. That he’d see how much I have and am continuing to change. A lady who I will consult for told me yesterday she thought I’d be a 60 year old woman because of how I wrote about clay on my website. Hahaha. But great. I’m happy people are perceiving me from my words in a form that gives them comfort.
I am transitioning out of this old shell and into a new one. I’m like a hermit crab. But I’m taking relics and scrapings is the past to decorate my new shell and make it shiny and bright and me.
Lots of good is happening. I just need to remember to breathe and work my way slowly through what is coming next. #igotthis