It’s 10pm and I just climbed into bed to finish up some things and realized something was wrong. I had not changed.  

why this is funny or noteworthy im not totally sure, because in reality my clothes clothes are really not very disimular to my night clothes. Basically take off my bra and put on pj pants... 

perhaps the segue is that I’m thinking about the next steps, what is the next thing to do. And I am not feeling overwhelmed, I am feeling capable. There is a part of me that is on alert for my Wonder Woman mania that thinks I can do everything and stay sober and sane and not harm anyone.  

I have tried this and, sadly, it does not work. I have done damage by this aspect of me left unchecked that I may not be able to make amends for. There are always consequences. I must learn from them.

let me rephrase: there are consequences. I aim to learn from them and do better the next time. 

it makes me think of a book I love in which the heroine Danica gets told to  “redouble your efforts.” 

yes, that is me.

 

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Christina Osheim