oh boy. A long day but a big one. Things continue to shift and I continue to shift with them, adapting my work and my life to the next right thing. 

It’s so strange that I am becoming stronger and stronger in my belief that letting go and letting god is key. And that letting go isn’t laziness. 

there was a very binary— is that the correct word?- reading about paradoxes. You might not be loved in return. Love anyway. Etc etc. 

for me I get that and I kind of like it but it seems to Black and white. Doing the next right thing and doing it anyway really seems to be living in between. In the grays. Oh man, there should be a 50 shades of gray- the alcoholic edition. ——-hard core s&m———praying with honest intent towards someone you hate with the passion of a thousand flames———oh the pain!!!! 😂😂😂

oh gosh, I get too silly sometimes. It’s hard to know what is right. And it’s super hard for me not to freak the duck out right now with NY NOW coming up this weekend. I am living in the goddamn paradox!!!  

And this is where old Christina overthinks this to the nth degree and makes paranoia out of nothing. New Christina is giving a big sigh, taking inventory— lived a good day, haven’t screwed anyone’s pooch— and have nothing to obsess of feel bad about— and so HP- here a toner cartridge of an addicts worried and fears. Please calibrate!!! 

i do hole a lot. Very very bad jokes. They get even worse as I make myself laugh from them. Seriously, I will say some really stupid thing, get an unintentional joke— Freud’s funny- and laugh til I cry sometimes. I have friends who snort. I feel so proud when I get a snort out of either or both.  

Anyway, I’m rambling. The die has been cast for NYNOW and I can only do what I can do and that will be fine. 

ok friends, time to tuck myself into bed and get some zzzs. 


Christina Osheim