Right now I feel deflated. I’ve been this big balloon full of ideas, possibilities, hopes, dreams, fears, realities, ideals. And today I feel like that big balloon is squeaking out the last bits of air, gas, or hot air. Take your pick.

This is the kicker with a brain like mine. I want to always create drama. I don’t want to sit in the now. Let time take the time it takes. 

so often this is a problem I have, wanting to race to the finish and not enjoy the steps or let time take what it needs. I really am a toddler, or veruca salt. “I want it and I want it now!” 

a lot has happened. And will keep happening. I just need to find my pace and keep going. I am in a marathon and not a race.  

I did a quick redo of my website, added/have mail chimp activated. Have written a mail chimp welcome letter that I will double check tomorrow and send on out. Photographs, inventory, emails to NY NOW people, hopefully fill out a lease and drop it off... and bring  peace, clean water, nutritious food and education to the world. I’ll while also getting a solo show at PACE gallery. Hahahahahahahahahaha. 🤦‍♀️

I am worried. And probably rightfully so. But as I keep moving forward my worries ebb. I like perimeters and Aa soon as I get this lease signed my living situation will change. It will be so nice to be independent. Challenges will come from that, but my mental health will be so happy!!! Plus I will be within walking distance to a very good friend and easy driving to another. Huzzah! Life, you baffles me. I am learning how to be me and use the tools of AA to recognize my bullshit before it gets too stinky.  

So i feel deflated because everything has turned out remarkably as I’d like it. And I am expected a choir of angels to sing and everyone celebrate in the streets! Instead I get a normal for me day.

Christina Osheim