oh my. I have had a day. It’s 2:53 and I’m sitting by myself at Alamo waiting to watch oceans 8. Mainly because today has kicked my ass some. Or I hate saying that we it makes me seem victimized. Today has been difficult.
My anxiety has been pretty high this year. Normal me justifies/makes it all the result of good things. “It’s actually great I’m having this problem because it shows things are going well.” Blah blah blah. The truth is my anxiety has been high and it is a hindrance to me performing at my top level. So I am back seeing my therapist every week or every other week. Which is good. And so it is strange (and my reflexive optimist says this is good that ibecause s been a difficult day right at the beginning of setting new patterns....) but I am working to switch what my expectations and go tos are. So I’m sitting at the movies by myself. I LOVE seeing movies by myself.
Someone backed up into me this morning and crunched my front drivers side bumper. I’m ok, it looks to be just cosmetic. But my plan of zen throwing at 8:30am was sidelined. I got that taken care of and went to work RAre book school and searching for keys slices open my right ring finger w an xacto knife. Awqqaack! Gah! %^?+@!
So my mind and body are uncenter and my responses are jerky, not fluid. I’ve lost my verve for the day. And think that having 2 hours to myself to escape into a movie with strong female leads is good. And to look importantly at what I can possibly do tonight. Anyway, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Ice Man preview is on and it’s time for me to turn this baby off and relax in someone else’s world of fun and fantasy. I will report back in about 2 hours!
Longer than 2 hours. It was a fun movie. It was what I needed it to be- good but not overwhelmingly great. A fun escape. And it was. I now have a good bandaid on my poor digit, have paid for my utilities and saw some awesome old photos of what this space used to be before. It was so cool! Such a treasure trove! Now I’m sitting in my BarcaLounger reading the last book group book and just being.
Its strange to think that I’m turning this studio into my home where I make and relax. I’m reprogramming myself. At least for the summer.