Yesterday’s post I did write at midnight last night. Just forgot to click publish.
tomorrow I leave for Minnesota. I am scared. I have had a rocky relationship with that state and with Olaf because of my experience there. Some of it is caused by my disease- even before I was drinking regularly— and much because of my head injury.
I am scared that I will see a shadow of my old self prancing down or swaying down division street and will be so disgusted.
im scared of seeing old me and the damage I did.
Im scared of going back and not being strong enough to not face and move forward but regress.
im scared of being pitied.
but I will go. And it will be what it is. It seems so far away. I seem like a different person now. That was someone else’s life. It couldn’t possibly be mine.
ok. Time to glaze and work. Tomorrow I’m off.