Yesterday’s post I did write at midnight last night. Just forgot to click publish. 

 

tomorrow I leave for Minnesota. I am scared. I have had a rocky relationship with that state and with Olaf because of my experience there. Some of it is caused by my disease- even before I was drinking regularly— and much because of my head injury. 

I am scared that I will see a shadow of my old self prancing down or swaying down division street and will be so disgusted.

im scared of seeing old me and the damage I did.  

Im scared of going back and not being strong enough to not face and move forward but regress. 

im scared of being pitied. 

but I will go. And it will be what it is. It seems so far away. I seem like a different person now. That was someone else’s life. It couldn’t possibly be mine. 

 

ok. Time to glaze and work. Tomorrow I’m off. 

 

Christina Osheim