Life is so funny. Although my motto living and loving the absurd is universally true- “It is a truth universally known that every man is living and loving the absurd.” (Bad Jane Austen quote bastardization). 

I am working on feeling my feelings and *sigh* they are complex, strange, frustrating and paradoxical. 

What a funny statement: I am working on feeling my feelings. Thus the paradox of it all. I guess this is yet another new step in sobriety. I haven’t done this sober. I don’t have a manual I can turn to other than the blue - hahahahahahahaha (big) book, spiritual practice and counseling. And I am always wary of my biggest defect of characters, the jumbo muffin top with extra decorative sugar character defect of self pity.  

There are a number of things that suck right now. And I can do my whole “but this is good and that is great” and blah blah blah, someone shoot me now, optimist banter, but that is part of the problem too. I deflect and rationalize. There is a lot right now that I am just sad about and angry. And I will feel this way until I don’t.  

In the meantime I help as I can. And laugh and make jokes and help. And love!!! Oh man, I will love. I will love so hard that soon I will be loving me again and finding the joy in my work for myself. I will give it away gladly with the knowledge that as I feel my feelings out all that I’m giving will reflect back and be me for myself also.  

My friend who I mentioned yesterday had a memorial gathering for her child today. It was beautiful and sunny and healing. So much love in the world and I added my little norsk spark to it. 

night all. ❤️ 

Bennett ❤️❤️❤️ 

Bennett ❤️❤️❤️ 

Christina Osheim