Today is the first day of spring and I am in such a bitchy mood. Maybe I’m pms-ing or something. I just know that today didn’t go as I wanted it to. And so it is currently 7:43 and I’m in bed in my pjs bundled up trying to feel warm. 

And the crazy thing is I can see how/why I’m feeling how I’m feeling. That what I am feeling is understandable and justified anger, frustration, bs won’t actually solve anything. Sleep, meditation, prayer and backing away to catch my breath and regroup is necessary and is what I’m doing. 

And that I stepped away before I went manic. Now I’m just looking for something to bite into and destroy. Like a dog with a chew toy. Mentally I am KILLING that lobster a la hobbit. (My pup niece for any blog followers not my sis in law) 

Right now there is change happening at my work place- it is shifting in a way that I think it must. And I am both saddened and really excited. And scared. I am so scared about so many things right now. And perhaps it is not failing as much as holding myself back. I can’t I can’t I can’t. This won’t work. Blah blah blah

So right now it is harder for me to keep myself in the middle. I am feeling ever so pulled to the extremes. I need to read Anne of green gables tonight as I do believe she is my literary doppelgänger. And to quote her right now I am in the “depths of despair” and not wanting to acknowledge my optimistic cheerful self just to be overly, selfishly dramatic.  

And this is why I have this blog. I haven’t been using it enough of late to let out my feelings. And. It is spring. Even if today is cold and tomorrow might be snowy. And soon it will be sunny and warm and my vitamin d will be up. And all of these things that currently feel so dramatic will be done. Faded blips on the radar.

and now, my friends, it’s 7:58 and I might just be going to sleep. 

Christina Osheim