I scraped my knee and have an Easter egg on a shin.
i saw a really awesome movie - Blue Velvet- with a good friend and hovered a bowl of popcorn. David Lynch is a creative hero of mine.
There is so much to say. Right now I see so many patterns that are simulating each other. Of maybe I’m as the unifying factor manipulating them to be parallels. Or maybe I’m a recovering alcoholic who can rationalize and connect pretty much anything.
I used to think that my voice didn’t matter. It wasn’t as important as those around me because I wasn’t as... (fill in the blank). I still self doubt often and believe that doubt and challenging yourself is a way to make sure you don’t grow calloused.
i am finding my voice and beginning to not say why I can’t do this that or the other but instead ask “what if” and pursue it. The what if usually ends in something pretty good. Perhaps not expected. But not bad (usually).
I wrote this because I have begun to explore the idea of dating again. And it’s not people must like me, how can I make people like me, it’s about finding good friends and maybe a good friend who can be a partner also. If the spark isn’t there its not “I’m not x” it’s “the fit isn’t right.” So funny that phrasing or thinking that way makes such a difference.
its happening in my professional life also. I pursue something and if it doesn’t work out it’s because of the fit. And that it also is something that has to work for me. What I need IS important. I can want many a thing and go without. But if I need something for my mental and emotional health that is ok.
Ooookay blog buddies. I saw blue velvet and now see thousands of robins awaiting me in dreamland! And unless Brutus breaks down the door in the next 42 minutes with a sharp sword I will have survived the idea of March 2018!!!