today has been good. Really good. I am learning. It’s a slow process, but I’m having fun! 

I am starting to set goals that are plausible. I never will have to worry about dreaming. I can dream and do it well. But acknowledging that a dream has so many complex, uncomfortable, awkward and humbling steps if you decide to see if it can be a reality outside your own head.

i am starting to get into the idea of a mind palace. My head as a world I can live out my ideal for a bit. To go to that happy place and revel. Be a pig in a pen, a dog rolling in freshly mown grass and just bask. 

It will either then be a fun mental escape, like going to the movies, or it will then be something you ask - what is the first thing I’d need to do to make this a possibility. 

i have to say I am wary of even using language like mind palace and pleasure extreme as I tend to like those too much. What is more subdued, prudent language. But prudent is one of those onomatopoeia words. It sounds/reads like it’s meaning. Prudent. It’s like chastity. It just sounds/reads... blech. Mind maze? Mind odyssey? Mind tent? Mind shack? Mind shaft? (Har har, I’m such a nerd) Halcyon hijinks? That is actually what I will call it- halcyon hijinks in my mind mole hole. It is honest and silly/ludicrous. Perhaps that is why stupid silly humorous things have become so important to me. I laugh and separate and stop taking myself quite as seriously while recognizing that what I think and why and how is very important and cannot be ignored.

oh you middle ground!  

I wonder if I will ever find someone who loves me with all of my quirks. And who I can love back equally. If I do I do and that will be another thing that will be very different than what is in my head. A whole new set of realities to see if it’s doable. 

currently, I do have a goal. A feasible goal! A dream palace. It is almost 10 and time for my beauty sleep so I can make tomorrow the rested version of what it’ll be. 

goos night everyone! Sleep well! 


Christina Osheim