I bought a print in Philly roughly 8 years ago- it says protection against heart break outside of a graphically beautiful heart. I have been drawn to organs and their shapes for s while because there is such beauty and terror in them. I’m sure I joked something like “won’t habe to worry about heartbreak now” or some equally stupid, prosaic thing. Now I wonder if it’s not protection as in armor but protection as in backbone, strength and heart. 

Last night I was too tired and emotional go write- this some Anne of green fabless (LOVE IT!) and a part of what I didn’t include was the new moon rituals we were talking about how 2018 has been the year of patience; feeling stagnated snd stuck in many ways from the exterior. But on the interior we have made leaps and bounds. I said that something I am grateful for is the ability i have to now bounce back from things. Not wallow in whatever I want to wallow in.  

Fate and the HP have some twisted senses of humor as that was tested tonight. Much of the learning i have done this year is proving by  unsuccesfully trying things that have worked in the past. My last venture into that has been the cruelest one. I have had work in a pop up in Tribeca  i got a txt early last week that the shop had closed, full stop, and I had 3 boxes packed I needed to send shipping to get back. WHOA!!!! So many red flags went up, but with he communication it was clear that this has moved on. We, the makers, were courtesans who were no longer needed and could go slum it. I was unable to find out package weight much less inventory so made shopping labels and off it went. 

tonihjt after work I received 3 boxes with much of my work destroyed. I expected probably one or two would break. But not so much. And not so much, almost all, of my special pieces. It cuts you to the quick.  

So i am now documenting it, finding s lawyer to see what legally I can do because this entire relationship hasn’t been atrocious since the beginning.  

So i think about my little print “protection against heartbreak” and think of the many times this past year my heart has been broken, or greatly bruised, kicked, punted and forgotten. None of this makes me feel sorry for myself. Just believe, as I must, that I am learning something and owning my life and my experience. I will not feel shame for any of it.  

And now must find a lawyer.  

*sigh*  

i have G. His fire tablet this morning. He was excited and after lunch he was listening to my man Jeeves and I looked at him as I was leaving. His face looked crumpled and heartbroken. So he and I went into a corner and had a heart to heart. I read him a bit of Anne of green gables and told him that he is important to those who love him. To me. That i am a better person for having him in my life and of how much he’s taught me. And he has. It is also something I must remember when I am feeling so shitty about bad luck in my own world. I have so much to be thankful for and some of the greatest things I can bring and add to this world aren’t things my hand makes but soul connections that change the energy of the world.  

#lovemylife #clay4life  

Christina Osheim