I was writing something/had written something this morning and it somehow no longer seems relevant. I am loving that my life is all of these different parts moving around in patterns that occupy my time. I leave one and start another snd it can almost be like a different life.
I have been thinking today about honesty, vulnerability, acceptance and authenticity. All annoyingly interlinked snd dependent on each other to find some middle ground that can support one and help those surrounding.
Specifically I have been thinking about me and vulnerability and how I still cover it up. I am scared of some possible outcomes. It’s interesting as to how pervasive it can be. But how important it is to be honest with others and most especially with yourself. I have to own what I think, say and do. I cannot hide it away.
I also notice that i can lump some fear onto another- hi projection another of my lovely character defects.
But really, I’m not here to muse and get melancholy. there have been some things happening I work lives, personal life etc that make me try to observe myself and catch myself before I fall back into a pattern.
So when I get paid Friday I’m going get started with an indoor yurt for winter claying and a nice hearty radiant heat fan to help my clay and me reach our winter zenith. OLOP has also ordered G. A fire tablet snd I am so excited for that. I’m thinking this weekend he and I are going to take a selfie and I’m going to draw or watercolor a portrait for him. I hate drawing myself as it is so hard to see oneself honestly. I went out with someone id like to keep going out with and become friends and/or who knows what. So I did what I’ve been starting to do whenever I take a shower- look at my naked body and face and become friends with all of it. I did a bunch of facial self portraits in HS- nude self portraits in college and a few oil paintings after- nailed my bro in both and could not quite get me. So here’s another chance to take a shot with G!!)
Ok I must get back to knitting my poppas scarf. My mom wants a clay platter but that won’t be finished before Xmas so I’m thinking jewelry making it is! Been quite a while.