I have not yet written about this years Julfest in detail. And part of that is the problem (first world variety) i was in the middle of it happening! My mental camera was taking so many pictures and wishing i had someone photographing it for me. *side note find a photographer for 2019’s spring fling.
For me one of the most beautiful and humbling things is to see my ideas begin to come together and meld and grow and become theie own entity. Talking with my coven last night we got into the work i am doing with G. (Dear G! today there was a break time so I started to read a Roald Dahl short story- I love RD and have been having a hard time accepting his antisemetic and gender views. *sogh*- anyway, when I finished I asked G. If he liked it and he said “no.” He then also communicated he wanted to listen to the craftsman some more. I LOVE THIS!!! And I am so proud and impressed by his diligence.)
Anyway, what I just remember with all of this is to not be greedy and share and let others take what I’ve started and run with it. It’s a continuation of let go and let god. It’s happening too! One of the many great thing at the party is the art posse members miss having posse meetings and are taking it over! In this same way a friend wants to get involved with G. and help create/polish another facet. I remember hearing the posse members exchanging info and talking dates. I was both elated and sad: “they can do it without me.” And with my friend wanting to help out G. My initial/instinctive response was “no, he’s mine.” With both I immediately recognized that this was the wrong instinctual response. I am reminded of all the work I’ve done in these 12 steps to repavlov myself and my instincts. It is wonderful and how it should be and what I hoped when I first started— the art Posse at least- with G. I really had no clue what to expect and have been running with it.
That is the point though- setting up possibilities that to come to their full potential need me to take a back seat. When I first, before sobriety, began thinking about trying to make a living off my art I remember thinking “I don’t want it to be my name. I want it to be separate.” It’s the same with all of this. I want it to be separate, not be me, and evolve and grow on its own. It isn’t me it’s my idea becoming real and getting its own personality and facets. Like my work when it goes off into a new home.
It is exhilarating and a bit sad, to be honest. And then when I admit that Pavlov kicks me in the ass and reminds me of all I have to be grateful for and that this is why i “designed” things to keep me and my ego tamped, like a peat fire.
i am also thinking of paradoxes. I fully embrace that I am one. But a conversation I was having last night was leading down the path that art shouldn’t be sold- it shouldn’t be commercial it should be a gift or part of a human barter not involving cash. In essence that to take pure art concepts and commercialize it the ideas become less, or the work loses its authenticity. It has been irking me a bit. Art and concept snd talent are skills acquired through years of studying and mastery. It is like any other subject that requieres keen observation, the ability to keep asking relevant questions to further the study, and a knowledge that becomes part of how you function in the world. People become doctors, lawywers, social workers, teachers and all use this same path of attaining knowledge and mastery . But somehow finding s job with a salary isn’t diluting the essence of the field, but is a way that their study and prowess can be acknowledged and lauded. And yet for me to give up on art for arts sake and try to express it in art for public consumption my education and concept is lessened. I also know that when I state this it is also ignoring the fact that part of the conversation or observation was that there is great value in the installation work and not to give that up. Semantics semantics!
Anyway, I’ve traveled soooo far from the Julfest which was really amazing to me. I’m still funneling all the info that I learned and observed and ideas to put into action.
Life is, as ever, rich and abundant and so joyous for me, even when I’m feeling a little low. I’m hoping tomorrow after work I can go hang with a friends son and read the dark is risings SUCH a good series.