I didn’t blog this am and now it’s close to 10pm. And it’s not that I don’t have thoughts to share or happenings of the day. I do! Sadly all jumbled up in some confused omelette. *sigh*
i went to a Shamanistic Journey, Samhain edition tonight. At the nexus between fall equinox and winter solstice. We just had the hunters moon. Our ancestors are present and the veil between it all is thin. I haven’t gone to too many of these types of events but I am getting closer and closer. I have a bunch of vague images and teXtures running through. I don’t see color with my eyes closed. Never have that I can remember. Id get signals. When something important was coming through the sound would get louder and louder, my face would flush and it was. It was I guess. I called in Karen, grandpa Osheim and toward the end grandma Nelson who was elusive. I have no memories of her so our souls are trying to make first contact. Karen gave me a paintbrush and told me to paint what I see. Look closely and paint what you see. And grandpa told me to observe and care. I saw clouds with that. It’s so elusive but powerful. I sent so much healing love out. If was magnificent- halfway between things. And at the end I feel, grateful, humble, and very very small. There was vastness where I was and now I am reacquainting me with the world or plane I’m in. I was in the mountains and I remember fire being so important.
I got back to work in my studio and got a number of small things done before. It felt so good to have clay on my hands again. Tomorrow I will have more clay time. And fire Jackie o i hope.
i got the book and tomorrow can read with the resident some. I realized that I really should start a record of our daily interactions because so much of the communication is instinctual- through observing and listening and care. What my ancestors were telling me. It is possible that no one else could see what I am seeing and that is ok. I also, ever the narcissist realize how careful I need to be with this. I can dream dreams and make possibilities real in my head. I can “Trump” myself. What I have learned is doing that never brings ay good to anyone. It harms all parties and stunts relationships. I am thinking of this journey the resident and I have being a continuing story- the conduit through which many stories or themes can be told or explores. But I have to remind myself that this is about communicating with him. The focus is on him and an adventure he and I have and not any grandiose possibilities. I know this perhaps sounds really stupid, but I remember seeing the diving bell and the butterfly- really good- and so of course some part of me thinks maybe it’s a creative genius locked inside that we can break out. Anything including that is possible, but what it really is about is not some masterful opus that unfolds but a way for him to communicate and be able to have an active role in his life. To emerge and be able to say yes or no. In short, keep my ego at bay. Share the joy that is happening with this experience and how uncertain but exhilarated with what will come next. But like everything else time takes time. I’m learning to accept that isn’t a bad thing. Trust HP’s timeline to get you where you need to be at the correct time if you keep one foot in front of the other and do the next right thing.
i am doing all I can do right now. And tomorrow will come around. I am going to give the many I am working with a name that is not his. He shall be Knut Olaus in honor of my forebearers.