for now blogging in the am is working. I am learning more of my patterns. Right now, I am wiped by a day snd more inclined to change out of my optimistic day joysuit snd pull on my pajamas of pesky pessimism. Why i adore alliteration is beyond me, but clearly I do. I teach later tonight and got my new sink working- the hoses are still annoyingly persnickety, but will get done. As will wiring the pipe fitting to something to keep it stable.
Perhaps that is it- one problem solved and 2 or 3 arise. I did have s great day at work yesterday. I have really brought touch into my activities care for nursing and even some of indipendent and assisted living. So yesterday I read miss Julia speaks her mind and held hands- same with painting and small groups. I think one of the nursing residents has a little crush on me as he smiles and blushes when I sit and hold his hands. It feels so 1950s, but sweet.
Today I studio, have a personal trainer meeting and studio and teaching and perhaps more studio or maybe cooking. Tomorrow I have off and I need to make a plan/schedule today and stick to it tomorrow. It is a day off and I could spend it knitting and being “productive lazy” as they’d be xmas presents but I need to get myself working.
i do this about 2 or 3 times a year. Have so much stuff going on that my studio practice takes back seat. And lord how I miss the dirtiness of clay- drawing is good, but not the same. And coming back I can look at all I did and go into a “I did that??? Can I still do that???” Existential art calamity of pesky self doubt. Which a studio making day will ease.
And this is where this blogs importance to me comes in. I need to be honest. I haven’t wanted to fully get into what I’m feeling— being open— letting it out. And so here goes: it is going well. I’m behind, but that is probably not unusual for a business in the arts during the first few years. But I am scared. I have started the ball rolling in a new direction and have no control other than my thoughts actions reactions. It is new territory again and I feel like the variety of things in my life- again all good things bring up fears of failure and fears that I will self sabotage somehow.
okay. There. I said it all. It’s in the open. I am again drinking delicious coffee and doing my morning knit. My life is not a train wreck, far from it, and getting off my ass and into the shower soon and march boldly but carefully into the day.
Thanks blog friends for reading my musings. This helps me a lot.