Shifting sands

And these are the days of our/your/my life/lives

I wish abreal sounded as good in the mouth as surreal. Or read better. Because right now things are feeling so gloriously deliciously strange and new and scary- good scary- that I have trouble with words.

im sort of beginning to relax a bit. I have lots to do, but I am not going to obsess. The sands shift, the silica fires, I will go there and it will happen. 

I saw the guy I’ve had a crush on having a date. It was so strange as I felt happy for him that he was going out and looking engaged and sad because it wasn’t me. I am not the object of his affection. 

A good friend and I have talked a lot about honesty in the program and little things like this that aren’t surprising but often held so close- not shared-  because it is embarrassing. So writing this is a little hard lest the object of my affection is reading this. (What a humbling kick in the ass to realize that your public blog which ultimately is very, very intimate is public. ANYONE can read my mad thoughts. I just assume no one does because, well, that’s what I assume. And perhaps that’s what I’d like to assume as it helps keep me honest (har har) and vulnerable) 

Anyway, I went to grab a cup of coffee post Jazzercise pre meeting and saw him. And thought “of course” and laughed and felt so embarrassed as I was flushed from aerobics and, well, awkward. SURPRISE!!!!!

it makes senses. The sands are shifting. My understanding is shifting. Which is as it should be. I am happy about it all. And have a coffee date myself on Friday with someone not in the rooms. I feel like I am learning how to date again. Which in a way I am. My ex was my first and only bf while sober and I feel I was still learning so much about living a life sans alcohol and changing my patterns. So it’s exciting. And scary. And abreal! Hahahahaha

ok, 10pm. Time for bed. 

Christina Osheim