Oh gosh. 

i worked from 7 am or so until about 9:20 with a break to go to a meeting. I wasn’t frantic working just persistently working. Pretending I was a tortoise. Slow and steady and all that. 

things are going well. I’m too close to actually see what is happening. But my instincts say it’s good (my instincts then go AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH WHAT DONI KNOW?!?!? And freak out a bit) at the end of my drinking career I was so used to ducking it all up that not doing that is still pretty remarkable/scary to me.  

I still have this crush I can’t seem to shake. I can’t/don’t seem able to do anything about it either. So I get stuck in the same annoying patch of land called accept it and live with it. It will be fine. 

This is relevant as patch of land called acceptance and patience is where I’m spending a lot of time. And since I have time to settle in and get comfy I am beginning to think about my situation I’m that plot. I’m not a scarecrow and not there as an afterthought. Instead of taking on full blame— it’s all my fault. I’m too___ or not enouhjn_____ or didn’t go to alfred... etc etc. but more saying ok, I’m here and here for a while so I will till the soil and see what wants to grow here. If my work doesn’t do well, I have info I need. If an interest isn’t returned it’s not my stocky build.

ahhh Adulting. It’s beem a good day.  Tiiiiiiiiiired


Christina Osheim