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(This is a draft that I saved- I wrote it last December. It is still very salient and covers what I’m thinking/feeling right now.)

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Last fall I saw a T-shirt online that said “suck it up buttercup.” I wanted it then, just not to pay the $30. It it was 12 or 15 I would have been sold. Maybe. $6 sold for sure.

anyway, that shirt feels like it should be my shirt right now. I should have 7 different colors, like a day of the week shirt, or underwear with Monday Tuesday Wednesday and so on plastered across your ass. 

*deep breath*  

I am doing good work, it’s going well. Just. Just. WHERE THE DUCK IS MY PONY? Or lollipop. Or mother fucking cookie.

argh. Nothing like the frustration of everything going well, just not well enough to be the utopian ideal floating in my head.

 

Courage and Serenity.  

Avoid the deliberate manufacturing of misery. 

Thwt last is what I have to remember. I have gotten so used to being wrong and have things not work. You can make or interpret life however you want. I have spoken so often about Bryan Cranston saying there will always be someone who is more. There’s always a higher superlative and never an absolute.

i will go home. I will finish photoshop. I will look into people to meet at NY NOW. And I will be. I helped a kid make an awesome drewing, I’ve been kind, I’ve cared, I’ve worked hard, I’ve been sober and have been living a happy sober joyous life.

 

Christina Osheim