Bullies. Hating people. Trying not to hate and trying not to be cowed. I am doing that right now. Trying to learn. There are people in my life who have a very different mo from mine and have an arrogance and bravado that is all engulfing. It is a bullheadedness that drives me nuts. So my typical mo is to leave. Do not engage. Do not try to pass go do not try to collect $200 as they are sure to tell you they got $250 as someone was just handing out extra $ and they took it. 

Aaargh! I almost delved into specifics and got bitchy and petty. That is the killer —right thought and right action and doing the next right thing involves not botching and ranting and gossiping and trying to think of passive aggressive ways to undermine and show that they don’t have the biggest dick on the table!

(even here I am getting too close to comfort to those bad behaviors.) it is really hard for me. Me me me! Ever the narcissist. But it is hard. My old habits and patterns won’t work and I need to plan and implement new habits. Positive habits. Be the changes. I need to tame my ego and be humble. Aaaargh!  

People act and do things I don’t agree with and don’t think are healthy. I need to get off my moral high horse and try to stop punishing them or myself for what I perceive to be bad chalices/unhealthy perceptions. 

this is like the conduit thing. Its so simple and so easy. It is getting lost in my narcissism that I lose it. So healthy ways to deal with things I find disturbing or worrisome in a way that doesn’t enable them. 

I’m thinking of my dad telling me about a friend of his who had a motorcycle in the 70’s. They were talking about safety and his friend was saying that he has it planned how he will fall if an accident happens. Has a seed or a blueprint ready to implement. An accident did happen, the plan was executed and his friend lived to ride another day.  

That is what I am doing now. Blueprints.  

And I like to build. And work.  

Living is such an interesting thing. I am thoroughly enjoying the process right now. (If anyone wondered what my plan for dealing with uncomfortable situations it is quite simple- draw and listen and watch. If asked simply say I don’t have anything to add/don’t have much knowledge/not interested and happy to draw) my Linus sketchbook!!! 😍  

Christina Osheim