“I’m holding myself carefully together.” This was something I said at a meeting on balance tonight. It is a statement I think is right on when parsed apart. I am holding myself with care. It is with care I am working to keep myself together. There is a sense of vulnerability, that I could come apart. The fact that I am a recovering alcoholic should make it pretty clear that I can be apart. But it is with great care I am working to find ways to keep me centered, grounded, balanced.
i also write this as I am so easily distracted, thrown off course, stumbling. It doesn’t take a ton to make me irrationally angry or irritated.
Right now as I am trying so hard to develop new patterns based on right action or living— in the moment- I feel so incredibly awkward. I feel like a clumbsy lady trying to read highway signs without my glasses, while pulling on spanx, tripping, and farting with a nice bout of the hiccups.
I guess what it means is I am starting to perhaps grow up some. And that what I am feeling are growing pains.
everything is good. Really good. And I am sure I will stumble, fart, and hiccup along the way as well miss an exit sign or two. But the thing is, that— THAT is normal. I am not perfect therefore I am human.
So my dear blog buddies, I am signing off for tonight. Xo