2018. Day one has been good. I was thinking about different ways I measure time. The anniversaries I have in my life. Right now it is 3. Birthday, head injury, and sobriety. But maybe this February it will be my little rabbit hole. (This blog). I guess the day I signed the paperwork to make Möbius Keramikk a business- I think April 2016, but somehow that doesn’t seem to fit in the perimeters I have set for anniversaries to be noted.
Althouhh April I’m a way. As April 1st was my first show. I remember as it was almost an April fools— haha jokes on you. Or is it? So April 1st for Mobius.
Now when I write “blank needs to fit my understanding of y” I think to myself what are my definitions? Perimeters? And why? They aren’t random. There are reasons. Let’s figure them out. Why these dates? And why not any of the schools I have graduated from or programs I’ve been a part of??
July 17 has the possibility of being a date as that’s when I began to move into my studio. But... I might be rushing that because now I’m wracking my brain for anniversaries. So April 1st is also a bit iffy. It’s straddling the fence. And because it’s straddling it isn’t an anniversary date. But February 19th is the date of this blog. And it becomes part of my anniversaries because it was a decision I made that I have held to and has become a labor of love. Writing this helps keep me healthy. It’s not just not drinking, but of being able to view myself.
I hung out with a good friend earlier today. We played trivial pursuit and I won!!! 🙌 And had an awesome time and laughed like a lunatic. My poor friend is hurting. He shares the disease and is holding onto it like a lover. And it makes my heart tender (any connotation you want to put on that, sore/hurting, empathetic, sympathetic, caring) —in sobriety I have become much more particular about nuance and symantics. It is painful to know that the only way you can help is to be a friend and openly honestly and gladly share your story and be there as best you can without jeopardizing your sobriety. How familiar what you see is.
So those are why my anniversaries are the ones they are. Events that happened to me either by luck, accident, or choice that very directly impact your daily life and mental well being. And why I leave Mobius out is as it is important I would be making art without it. I am a maker and the business is an effect not a cause. I am the cause and my decision to stop drinking and keep a live journal.
Because the kicker is this helps. It really does. And it doesn’t matter if it is read or not (sis in law, thanks for being a diligent follower but please do not feel compelled to because we are family)
what is great is the more I get into my life and into me the more I realize I have room in my heart. And that 20 minutes of love a day is not a hard thing to do. And that love does not always have to be the Hollywood perfect. It can have layers of fear hope joy sadness with it. And I guess frustration, but I don’t think anger. Or maybe that I don’t want to use such an aggressive word. Frustration really is anger though.
I am happy and tired and awed and scared and thoroughly excited to see how the next steps of this dance called life will go. I feel life is imitating art for me in the sense that whenever I fire the kiln I never know what I will get. There’s always a fingers crossed, spine tingly, what will it have to show me?!?!??! Air. I can predict that it will probably be this or that but I won’t know until I open it up if I am correct. And sometimes I am disappointed, sometimes happily fine as it’s neither better nor worse, and sometimes, just sometimes I am a WOW!!! That is how I feel 2018 is going to be for me. I have worked so hard in 2017 and have ideas of how things can work out to make 2018 an active productive and profitable years but... the kiln is still firing and what I get accomplished this next month will impact how things will play.
ok, I was dancing my fanny off until after midnight and it is now almost 9 and time for bed! Gnite!!! HAPPY 2018!!!