I talked to my sponsor today after a meeting for a bit. I was complaining and she was saying to me "youre just adulting. We all get this way of realizing we have to grow up and cannot control everything."
It is the sad reality that we addicts realize- we really arent all that different. (Of course we're different, but the thought patterns we thought were so unique and exclusive to us arent.)
Im 2 weeks away from 11 months and before you know it will have a year of sobriety. And I am finalky starting to give myself some leeway. Very careful careful leeway. But I am too tired to keep going at the pace Ive been. I have not given myself any free time to even consider breaking. And unless I do give myself that room i will break. Its like the odd paradox - one should endeavor to be tolerant of everything- Except intolerance.
So my old home studio is becoming my home office/parlor and I think my refuge. Im lying on my couch with se of my furnitire around by myself watching tv on my old tv while playing silly games on my phone. And im lying underneath grandmas quilt from the blue room. I feel quiet and still and calm. And the ability to breathe and let some of this stress and anxiety i have been toting arpund like a trophy release into the ether.
i am still tiree. And about to head up to bed. But gosh, this feels pretty darn good. And healing. And right. im listening to my body and being honest. Or trying really really hard to be honest.
so goodnight! Have wonderful dreams filled with kindness and healing!