Self centered. I really am self centered. All of this thought/reflections/good will endeavors all have a "ME!!!!!" theme. Logical in a way as its my life and this blog is about my life.
It annoys me a bit. Ive gotten thrown off my game some. Just physically and mentally exhausted. And am beginning to emerge from thay shell of egocentric isolation, but in emerging I have been noticing how much self centered I really am.
Yesterday jn church and at a meeting I realized that one of the reasons I have been off my game is that I havent actively been trying to think about how I can be of help to others. Ive been thinking me and money and success and how to squeeze money from whatever I can. (With the kicker being I have things set up to work as they will and so rest, good humor, a strong solid working ethic, stellar work, and a smile will make it a success or it wont) going into a narcissistic trump mentality will help nothing and no one. Not myself. Not anyone else.
So instead of thinking I should do this because it makes me happy. This is the perfext night for me. This party will be good for my studio think community. Doing all of these things will be good for my friends, my studio mates, my family, my business, and finally me. But that I should focus on the macro and not the micro.
All of this makes me sound like Florence freaking Nightengale. And O am not. Far from it. But this blog is about what is going through this noggin and these thoughts and desire to not be a selfish self centered bitch is a pretty consistent theme.
And my little soap box oration comes from what I instinctually intended to write:
"I had the best nigjt last night. I reallh needed it. The weather was beautiful, beauty and the beast was awesome, I got to eat a concession/carnival style hot dog, there were fire pits and i couldve made a smore."
All of that is true but I am excluding other important aspects and making it solely about me.
"It was a fantastic night and was just what I needed. A good friend and her son came and the three of us were grinning like lunatics! It was great that boars head put on this event and made it free to the public. The weather was gorgeous and it was so fun to see people of all ages. It being the new beauty and the beast (really good!!!) of course I tearer up! It felt like it was a healing event for cville. It was for me. And is a reminder why when I am tired and just want to stay home in pjs its good to go out, see friends, and have adventures!"
I am still thinking about myself but as a cog in the wheel of humanity and not the sun. Or god.
It was a kick ass night and is a reminder of why I will be very happy to have a pretty isolated/slow/sleepy work day but to also venture forth to a meeting and share my strength and hope with the world followed by seeing if we ever do find out why/how the fish ended up in the petcolator.
ha de bra alle sammen!