/ by Christina Osheim

 *my phone or my thumbs failed to post this last night- i actually thinknit was the phone as this morning it messaged "post failed" and so I had to select all, copy, and so a new post. This is yesterday (Wednesday).*

Jazz hour was good this morning. We had a song with a lot of air punches and I managed to not go fight club but did get out some aggression or work out some frustration or anxiety.

I had anxiety dreams again. It makes me think of my final semester of grad school when i had so many of them; all centered around my show. The kicker with thise dreams, or at least how they are for me, is that they are a very plausible one off of reality. Its not good, but its really interesting. And upon waking you are not quite sure if it happened of not. Living surrealism. Any wonder Spellbound (with Dali's dream sequence) is one of my favorite Hitchcock films.

So much of dealing with alcoholism and embracing sobriety is acceptance. I have this disease. It is incurable, but it is copable. (I think that is grammatically incorrect) It is incurable but there are ways to live a full life with it. Eh, I could go into the symantics kf that and that is not what i al trying to do.

My point is acceptance of things you cannot change and how to cope. And trying to ideally find ways of coping that embrace the anxiety and fear. Why make something you cant change a huge negative in your life. "Im sorry, I dont drink." "Im sorry, glazing stresses me out and makes me feel ill." Or evading the inquiry and lying by omission. Why not try to make it a positive. "I dont drink. Its great, I never will have to worry anout a beer belly or habgocers!" "Glazing tends to make me anxious so I turn it into a system of rules I work within and let the kiln do the work."

In both of these cases i am putting things in a optimistic light. It could seem naive or undermining the not fun reality. And Inl do use

 

i got busy. And glaaaaazed. And am tied and can baeg string 2 aprda togetjer.

 

nite