at this moment i need to he inspired by clarifies butter. CLARIFY MYSELF! Pull this little mind together. It is 6:31, I have just showered, my frozen pizza is heating up, im watching Harry Potter. Aaaaaaaaand. Im pooped and still have much to do tonight.
And this week. and this month. I just have stuff to do. Its good. Im glad I am busy. But still concerned about feeling like im close to having too much on me.
It is bizarre. I feel so many conflicting emotioms right now. It is like glazing (which I was doing earlier today). I used to hate glazing. I am not totally sure why. I could make up a bunch of reasons that could all be valid and Im sure have elements of truth in them.
i still dont like it. But I do. (Hi contradiction, glad we're bffs) how I have started going about glazing has changed. And thats cool. Im thinking about it differently, envisioning it in a more abstract manner. I break down the 3d object and let it "speak" to me. Cool, right?? Essentially 3d canvases hat i get to sketch on in color. Score! and the shapes do talk to me. Hipp hipp hurra!
Except every time I have to psych myself up. I am so terrified. I almost have a ritual of kicking my ass into action. Its this weird thing of tuning myself to the work. "Don't overthink. 3 colors is the limit. Keep it simple stupid. Let the clay talk. Relax. Breathe. Trust yourself. Hear the clay. You can do it. Come on. Youve got deadlines. You can do it. Just start. Staaaart. You already have a book on tape. Ok. Yup. Youre set up. You can you can. Do it. Doooook it." *my brain shoving my body out the door*
how messed up is that? I seriously feel so nervous every time. Almost like its get to work or youll get sick. I turn into this hyper tense, alert ball of nerves, easily annoyed and snappish if pulled out of the zone.
But I love it.
But I seem to be working ok. These contradictions havent negated each other. So I will just accept. I am doing a lot of accepting of late. Its strange.
But its working. And my studio is starting to not be at home. It feels so surreal. This is my life? Huh? Wow. Lots of things i never expected. But I'm enjoying it and ooooooh so tired. so time to spwnd the hour with my beaus: Pat & Alex.