Rubber Ducky 1 : Christina ?

 I took care of a friends kids and we built this fort! Hipp hipp hurra! 

I took care of a friends kids and we built this fort! Hipp hipp hurra! 

A blog a blog, my kingdom for a blog (post). 

i am feeling so much today. Just feeling a lot. All over the board. 

And that is good. That is really gopd. I am living in the grays and prioritizing which are the shades that need to be addressed first. 

brief hiatus: wow. My childhood best friends wife just sent me some clay pics via messenger and we had a really lovely IM interaction with much love being sent accross time zones. I am learning more and more every day how if I work to overcome my terror and insecurities and put myself out into the world so many unexpected things happen. Mostly good, not alway, but never as awful as the things I fear(ed). And sometimes a brief IM interaction to help reinforce the foundation. Yay! ❤️'S all around. Or ❤️'S on me this round 😍.

Right now I am feeling overwhelmed. And full. And stretched. For calid reasons. It makes sense. And I get to decide. It is my choice what type of life or response I will have to situations. Will I quiver in fear, worries, insecurities of not being perfect, infallible, God? Will I work my tail off to the degree I can and try to find joy, humor, frustration, and how salty my language can become? Will I just not do it and run away? Will I do it, work my ass off, but work my ass off in anger and pissiness? I can decide to do any of these things and the attitude with which I go forth. It is my choice. Like feeling. It is my choice. And though at times all of this is so uncomfortable and so new and scary I am finally living. Wow. It is so elementary. But it is flabbergasting. I am feeling full, riched, nuanced emotions and having new, rich, adventures I am heading on and not knowing where I will end up at the end of this other than chances are itll be a place I will be happy to burrow down in for the time thay works until new feelings adventures and possibility pull me. 

Possibility. That is it. Maybe that should be my new favleite word. It hold al much.  

I am ramblimg and am tired and have no clue if these musings make any sense or if there is any vein of logic flowing through that results in an elegant summation. I dont care if it does. 

I am awed by this life I get to lead. The choices I get to make and the resilience the body and workd has. What a gift. What a tremendous gift. So blog buddies. Thanks for being a part of it. Youve become part of my daily ritual that helps keep this lady centered and sober and able to embrace this experience.  And as a thank you tonigjt the ❤️ tab is on me! ❌⭕️❌⭕️😄 

 Have I mentioned before that alcoholocs/addicts are narcissistic bastards?!? 😜 

Have I mentioned before that alcoholocs/addicts are narcissistic bastards?!? 😜 

Christina Osheim