Thoughts / by Christina Osheim

Newton is right. Equal and opposite reactions. Right now I am so joyous that things in my creative life are moving forward as they are. But heart broken that so many who are close to me are having to deal with someone close to them, not me, dealing with addiction. Things come in threes and this weekend that is how it has been. Threes. And i love the number three. I love odd numbers in general but three is a good one.

And it breaks my heart. I cannot change anyone dealing with this disease. I wish I could. So badly. But I know too well how it affects one. How if I was offered the moon or a bottle pf whiskey I wpuld have to pause and consider and Im pretty sure try to open a whiskey bar on the moon. Or plain speaking I would choose thr whiskey. Id know I should say the moon and so I would, but I would try to sneak the whiskey also and do so until caught. Which I was. 

And this is what kills me. I know each of these people is going through their version of this to whatever degree they are. It doesnt matter if you have a black belt in addiction or are just getting in the habit. If it is making you unable to live your life it is something that will become a major building block in how you build your life from thence forth. And the shape, color, placement attention to detail is the choice of the person. No one else can make you do something. And for those who love the person the only thing they can do is say I love you and am here tp support you as best ai can in treating this. Or if someone does not want treatment, as is their right to choose and an acceptable one that everyone who deals with addiction within themselves does consider. Do I want to lead a life where alcohol consumption is not included? Not sure?!?!? I thought about it, not dealing with my addiction. I came close to choosing it. And when you are dealing with someone who chooses to not deal with their addiction in a healthy manner you as their friend have to ask yourself to what degree you can be a good and caring friend without putting yourself in harms way.

This latter part, what type of relationship you can have with someone who doesnt want to deal with the root of what causes their addictiln, is something I have had to deal with before this weekend. And perhaps that is why my heart is feeling so much right now. As you can only love and care and pray and hope and say you will help as you can to the degree you can.

Each person who faces this problem deals with it how they do. And really I dont care what or how you get to the root I just hope that you can and are willing to and willing to keep pulling your weeds and trimming your hedges. For me full blown sobriety and AA works. And art. Lots and lots of art. I think it is art and making that helps me stay relatively sane and sober.

Me thinking about all of this and feeling it isnt putting a burden on my shoulder. It is not a hardship to be informed of close friends friends troubles it just means that my daily thoughts wishes prayers poems mantras rituals expand a bit and have more included. It also reminds me to try to not be so narcissistic and remind myself how very recently I was in the midst of getting clean. And that I must stay vigilant in my sobriety and open in my thoughts and heart to those sufferring from whatever they are suffering from addictiom, cancer, fear, change, loss, agoraphobia, whatever it may be.

So Newton, karma, higher power, energy, love, kindness please wrap all of us in the arms of whatever, whom ever, it is and help us breathe through what we are facing be it good bad or ugly.