life is like cooking. You find a base recipe and readjust for day to day flavoring. Im also writimg this as I am watching the great british baking show, a tv show that makes me so happy!!! Especially this one as it is turning into edible art. i LOVE IT!!! It makes me think of a professor at RISD talking about doing a trompe l'eoil thabksgicing dish, looks like a baked yam but is actually meringue type deal. Fun fun fun! ❤️❤️❤️
What I am thinking about is me and how I can use my body, mind, and time to its optimal potential. And so much of that is adjusting and readjustong in accordance with what I need. Need. Not want. I can want something and not need it and need something i dont want. So if I need rest I need rest and should not feel guilty for taking it. Im sure that this fear comes from the faxt that I am not yet a year sober, living with my parents, starting a business, and dont have a good idea of what my income flow will be. I am afraid that I look super lazy, living off the fat of the land, and dicking around with art. That I seem to be a charlatan.
Some people will think that and probably do think that. And I need to accept that and try to not let that rustle my feathers. I have come to accept so many things and must also accept that. I and those who know me well do recognize how hard I do push myself and ultimately even that doesnt matter. I know how hard I ak working and my higher power also knows. So keep my nose clean, my head to the grindstone and keep plugging away.
I write this as I am figuring out that I am indeed not wonder woman and in continuing to try and be everything I am wearing myself thin and undermining myself and causing people I care to worry about me. This is why I am thinking its time to really think about when my brain and I are most creative. When do I start to lag. What are my nafural patterns, my circadian rhythm and HOW can I craate a timeline and schedule that makes it so I am doing tasks at the ideal time. And that is where the adjust and readjust comes in. My body isnt a metronome. I typically am most spry in the morning, but not always. So in order to make this nebulous goal work I need to do what I can to have a very strong understanding of what my body is saying.
And I wrote this this morning before having a beautiful day.
Gotta end on a laugh