/ by Christina Osheim

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Oh goodness! I am sitting here at my cousins watching the last Harry Potter with her and her family. It is brilliant! I played proper cornhole for the first time ever today and that was also brilliant! 

Things are beginning to get busier and busier and it turns out that this is the best time in my schedule to get my eyes checked. So a last minute trip to WVa, check! It has been so great that they ended up next door as the. Majority of my family lives in a different time zone.

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Anyway, blah blah blah. I feel like I am getting off topic or evading. I went to jazzercise, went to church, drove a few hours to WVa and have had a lovely time hanging out with them. What am I evading as this is all true?

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That's the kicker about the whole honesty in sobriety: you end up listening to your gut a lot and I feel like I am lying by omission. But am not sure what I can write without oversharing, making public business that is not solely mine, or what I even have to say or think at this momebt. Aaaaaaah! But I am feeling the same way as I did when I "came out" on this a few months ago.  

(I also must laugh as I am not sure anyone other than my sister in law reads this. So thanks sis-in-law for following my escapades. Please pardon my atrocious grammar.)  

I guess that makes me think of the whole "if a tree falls in the forest and no one is present does it make a sound?" (Sis in law, i am not discounting you as a person, just noting that I am aware you keep up with my ramblings and have woven that knowledge into the tapestry of this prose. It is an assumed fact. And watch THIS!!... THISSSSSSS!... Is the blog you skip! Hahaha, joke on me and my over, ever serious dorkiness and worry about offending or crossing the digital rubicon.)

But that minutiae and the worry of it is almost the whole point. I am stuck in a quandary right now and am afraid to make public statements more than those I have made with close friends. I am happy. I have had a great weekend. I am also sad and worried and wary. But I am also excited. I am feeling multiple emotions simultaneously. I am living in the gray. And I am enjoying my life. I am not upset with anyone, though I am a bit with reality. Or rather, not upset with reality but accepting of it. 

And so as a result of all of this I am idle. I am that pogo stick bouncing up and down frantically wanting to know which direction to leap.

Perhaps that is the honesty I needed to share. That Im feeling multiple things at once. That I am *gasp* a conflicted human and not a god! Sucks, right? I always thought my chicken pox scar meant that I was a princess a la Willow. Reality can really bite you in the ass sometimes.

So peace out folks! Til tomorrow! Sweet dreams!