Meandering thoughts. / by Christina Osheim

crazy construction happening just around the corner from where i live

crazy construction happening just around the corner from where i live

Last night or this morning I thought, maybe the blog is too much to do. Im getting busy and enjoying life and this takes time. Most M-F I have my first 2 hours being work to maintain my body and my recovery and not work work, Möbius Keramikk stuff. And then this, and other groups Im a part of and plans and down tome and relationship. Is a blog really that important? I have no clue if anyone actually reads this other than my sis in law, THANKS DUDETTE! Is it necessary? Am I just repeating myself and being inane? Or silly? Or stupid? Or having too mang "oops I forgot sorry guys, this counts for last night as it was a blog Transient Ischemic Attack? It is soooooooooooo tempting to say yes, I can stop this. Really tempting. Uber tempting. Tantalizingly tempting, the feisty old TT. it is tempting. So lets explore that. 

thanks to dictionary.com or rather my dictionary app as I am a dork

tempting

adjective

  1. that tempts; enticing or inviting.

Origin: First recorded in 1540–50; tempt+ -ing2

Related forms
tempt·ing·ly, adverb
tempt·ing·ness, noun
un·tempt·ing, adjective
un·tempt·ing·ly, adverb

tempt

verb (used with object)

  1. to entice or allure to do something often regarded as unwise, wrong, or immoral.
  2. to attract, appeal strongly to, or invite: The offer tempts me.
  3. to render strongly disposed to do something: The book tempted me to read more on the subject.
  4. to put (someone) to the test in a venturesome way; provoke: to tempt one's fate.
  5. Obsolete. to try or test.

Origin: 1175–1225; Middle English < Latin temptāre to probe, feel, test, tempt

Related forms
tempt·a·ble, adjective
pre·tempt, verb (used with object)
self-tempt·ed, adjective
su·per·tempt, verb (used with object)
un·tempt·a·ble, adjective

un·tempt·ed, adjective

So there it is. I am tempted, it isntempting To stop doing what I am doing, blogging is that.

Why? Why am I tempted to end this: 

I am feeling tired and lazy. I have been working a lot and have bags under my eyes and a possible cold O want to not become one (cold) as I am going to Philly this weekend

My active step work has been put on hold. I was regularly doing 10 min a day and pushing through it and have stagnated. I feel guilty for not doing thag work as I often (always) do this daily action first. My sobriety is so important. I cannot stop that journey. To do ao would be to court Pandora.

As my work and I are getting out into the world more and attending fairs and events I worry about posting regarding them in the moment. Especially if I am tired and frustrated as I have a history of taking that out on others (to those I have done so with, I am sorry and aware and working to cull that by getting sleep and being aware of mg bad tendencies.). Because I am human and not perfect and not always an optimist. ESPECIALLY when it is specific to me. 

I am getting close to a number of people, especially my boyfriend. God, a part if me even feels strange writing boyfriend publically. But as my relationships deepen the things we talk about and share become more. And while I am pretty comfortable sharing the personal, uncomfortable, private details regarding me I am very very wary of sharing things that are not mine. Or examples that are a one off from what I have talked about with someone changing minor details like the name, but essentially sharing a private story that isnt mine. I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS.

If I respect these boundaries of information I explore and share publically would this just become a pedantic asinine optimistic blog that would make a reader want to punch me for being too perky and vomit a little in their mouth. I use those as examples as I have read stuff that seems so shallow and fake that I have had that exact reaction!    

These are some very valid arguments to stop this. Laziness is not one of them, but the most pressing. Which isnt a surprise. But I think some of my reasons against blogging are also veritable reasons to keep doing it. I have found thay I am a creature of habit. I like boundaries and having parameters to work within and spin my crazy tales and wheel without fear of going off the reservation. Also, the need to be thoughtful and conscious of what I am writing and how it could come across keeps my head out of ky narcissistic ass. Whiny, cranky me becomes the tired resigned me instead. And if I wasnt conscious of possessing private info of others and needing to keep it safe I shluld have been. 

caveat;

I wrote all but the last few sentances this morning. I had a more complex summation this morning, but have lost the thread. ...

oh! This is it. What I have found is that when things get busy for good bad or ugly reasons and i switch my patterns I get thrown off. I can say, Im feeling so excited about my life and loving it and so can drop this. But this is a part of what makes it great. The fact that sometimes I do have a whoopsy daisy is part of its charm. Or part of me being authentic me. As i have found more and more when I stop trying to fit what i think others want me to be and just be the bizarre contradictory awkward me I and everyone is happier! "Remember your ABC's!" as I am often reminded. That is it: awkward/arty bizarre contradictory....ME! 

And currently this lazy lady has had a day of idleness which I have wanted/needed. A few teeth have been filled, an hour interlude with my favorite FBI agent, nap time and currently watchjng arrested development and cross stitching Edward. And finishing up my blog. 10 minutes minimum of step work will be done before bed.

Habits can be good. And if theyre good like this one is I am glad they can be hard to break. Have a great week everyone!!!  

nom nom nom 😋  

nom nom nom 😋  

EDWARD❤️❤️❤️❤️ 

EDWARD❤️❤️❤️❤️ 

Who doesnt lobe a bunny?

Who doesnt lobe a bunny?