No, this isn't with Jack Handy a la SNL. Poor, poor Phil Hartman. It involves the number 42.
My head today is emulating that childrens game of a ping pong paddle and a ball attached to it that keeps bouncing around. That is what I have been doing. I have had a few blog ideas floating around. But then.... pooof! off they go into the ether.
Now I have nothing to write. Or everything. But then that is going into extremes, which I am trying ever so hard not to do. Things are getting muddier and grayer and I am happy with that for the most part. Except a part of me just really wants an answer. The answer! To the question! The final answer!!!!
This is why I love how often the adage "life imitates art" or inverse "art imitates life" is so true. Yesterday I went to Richmond to buy clay. I am still tired and still getting my ass kicked a bit from allergies and possibly a touch of a sinus infection. But it was a good day to just drive and pick up clay. Driving there I started thinking about HItchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. I bought the audiobook- or rather BBC audio play which is the original incarnation of what has become a phenomenon- as a xmas present for my bro about a year ago. But my family decided to do homemade xmas gifts and I am still eagerly awaiting to find out what mine will be from him! (time is troublesome and if making things weren't my job I wouldn't have had time. this being said my dad's is still unfinished. pot kettle. i get it). As my sister in law often reads this, let Erik know that I will have this (HHGG) on a flash drive for you guys when I come visit this summer and or fall. HAPPY EARLY OR VERY BELATED XMAS!
Anyway, I threw today and listened to hitchhikers guide to the galaxy. It felt really good and it felt so fitting as it replicates the lunacy of life I am feeling right now with the joy of the bizarre twists and turns it takes me on. As I throw (har har) applications and ideas for various things out into the world am I inviting destruction or beginning to court the creation of this new thing that is me? My mom looked at me yesterday writing or staring off into space thinking and told me how good it was to have me back again and that I looked happy. And I am happy to be here and feel present and just pretty happy overall. With that nice dash of scared shitless thrown in.
So it felt good to throw today, but it also felt alien. Or maybe I am making it feel alien to confuse matters even further. And I know that thinking has never been a problem for me and I should just follow my instinct and make and throw and tamper my fear. What is the worst that could happen? It blows up or doesn't sell. Best thing is that it does and my services become sought after. Wouldn't that be something. And perhaps the alien feeling is me applying for things that I think could really help MK get traction in the fickle land of art and design and retail. And these possibilities could change the course of where I end up. But on the flip side they could just an experience I have that is good, bad, or ugly. Who knows?!?!?
So I will continue to blunder my way through life and hopefully be a happy cheerful and sometimes funny person. Right now I am really liking my life where it is and just want to keep on moving forward with this joy of exploration and discovery. So deep, dark, rich, subtle, frustrating, brilliant, uncomfortable grays what is the next hue or tone you have for me to explore next?