I really was on a roll last night. I was tired, but felt I was onto something. And then my phone, often my writing tablet and cause of many a typo, honked at me and distracted me with a bunny. And not just a bunny, but a cute bunny chomping on cilantro. All brilliant thoughts were pushed out of my little head by the hypnotic rabbits eyes and consistent and effective chomping method. It sent me into a somnambulant bliss.
But that's the big question about normalcy. What does it actually entail? it's criterium, purpose, standards? I am sitting at my kitchen table tired and feeling like not doing too much. And yet it's Monday morning, the sun is shining and it is beeeeeeeayutiful out. But I don't feel like running outside with my arms wide open saying "Day! Take me on an adventure!" Nor do I feel like emulating said rabbit and attacking porcelain like a dedicated industrious worker rabbit. Nah, I just feel like sitting in my kitchen, drinking coffee and perhaps doing another crossword. And this feels totally normal to me. It isn't laziness as I worked all weekend, just a time for me to quietly enjoy the sounds of the day and week starting
As I've written before so much of what I am doing now is trying to find and build a life and work system that suits me. In some ways I can compartmentalize, but in others there is so much overflow between work and passion and identity. That has been one of my biggest concerns venturing forth as a business owner. It may not work. I may not have been dealt the right hand for this. And if that is the case would my identity as an artist be crushed? Would I lose myself? Perhaps this reads as a really negative or pessimistic view, but it is not. What I am doing and the manner in which I am going about it feels correct. And it would be incredibly stupid and naive to not consider or accept that failure to have it become sustainable may be a reality. I don't think that any of the negative things I have thought of and fear will occur. Especially losing or rejecting the part of me that is the artist. That is so deeply embedded in me that I just must make. My favorite times at shows are when small children or young children come and are curious. They have a conversation with my work and i love it! Or the lady who came by yesterday saying 'I can't buy anything, but really wanted to just come and look." YES!!! Come! Look! Have adventures!!!! A friend was telling me to think about signage as a way to draw people in and as I had been thinking similar thoughts that should be something I start to do now so it is ready for my next sale.
And I digress. A lot. Normalcy. This feels normal. This life that I am leading. It is working. I have some set parameters and I work within them. I did lose myself when I stopped making. In a scary way. The more I come back into myself and fill my skin the more I realize how I knowingly and unknowingly was absent from it for too long. It is humbling and will remain humbling for quite a long time. It is also a kick in the ass to use my talents and skills and passion and love to make me work as best I can and share what I can of myself with the world.
So Internet buddies, I have rambled on for a bit. Which is, sadly, also normal. Ha. I guess the point of all of this is I think Normal and Weird are silly criterium. The idea of classification being necessary to fit your life into societies. It's the whole path less trodden. It is your path, no one but you has trod on it period. We all do fit into certain paradigms, but those not define the entirety of our selves.
Anyway, apparently the cilantro didn't taste like soap as I have happily taken over the comping for a bit. Now, I'm off to do something. Til tomorrow!