I am at a bit of a loss of what to write at the moment. What theme I shall broach for today. Not because I'm not busy and there's nothing to report. But because I am, perhaps, caught in a Lynchian Escher loop. I have said I love circles. What is it, in Paris all roads lead to to the Arc d'Triomphe and in Italy all roads lead to Rome. That there is a point of convergence that things naturally get pulled to. Kind of like a magnet that just absorbs it all.
I did watch Episode 2 of the new Twin Peaks this morning with my friend. It is a perfect and strange time to do it. Right after jazzercise, still a bit sweaty from working out, first in a coffee shop and setting up shop to enter into the surreal landscape of Twin Peaks and the black lodge. It is spectacular. I have so much respect for DL.
But now I am thinking of universes and parallel universes and the untold stories and narratives. Blue Fly on the wall is wanting some playmates and I need to get back into creating my own worlds. What I really love is how you are kept on the knife edge. That tension between things. What is and what isn't is an ever changing fluid space that separates and merges and separates again.
Last night I went to a oneness circle, a Deeksha circle. I have been feeling the need to really begin to meditate and find ways to do so that work with me. I went to a meditation workshop at the library last fall which was great. Except it was a one time deal. Deeksha felt so good. Like nothing I've experienced before. I have yet to read up about it's specifics and history. I want to do that, but I want to wait until the experience begins to unfold for me a bit more. Until I am on a journey, my journey, that has not started defined by preconceptions. I put my maternal grandmother in the chair. I have been thinking about her so much of late and missing her. It is strange to miss someone you have no memories of. But I do. Terribly. I sent to her and to all of my friends and family love love love and healing. Love and healing. That was my mantra. For them, for me, for the world. And I felt my grandmother. It was as If I was wrapped in this large encompassing embrace her and me her/me or me/her. I hate to put more words than that down, because words cannot do it justice and then bastardize a really beautiful moment in a way. In some ways this past year she has become very real for me. More real than she ever has been. I remember crying as a child wanting her to be here with me and asking God to bring my grandma back. To let me meet her. To have her. I stopped doing that. I don't remember when. I started making bad jokes about having a teddy bear that played teddy bear picnic she had given me, but the key to turn to play the music was located in the teddy's crotch. Saying something like "I wonder what she was trying to tell me?" I don't feel bad about that because I am still amused by that, but wonder when I stopped actively thinking about her and having her present in my life.
So needless to say the Deeksha circle was a really good experience and one I plan to continue to attend. I think that is another time of worship and community I need and a way to get out of my head and recenter and focus myself. My buddy and I were joking about how we wanted to keep on watching TP, but if we watched much more would start to twitch and not be able to function today. Which for me, at least, is saying that watching it has opened new thoughts and patterns and has my synapses firing towards different dendrites. It is mind blowing, but not off centering. I still feel centered, just itching to create so badly! A spider. A black widow I think is the next one. And as a part of me is beginning to feel lighter and lighter in a good way to sustain that I think I need to delve into clay and really get my anxiety, nerves, frustration, and obsessive fiddling out through a menagerie of communication devices living in their own tower grid with different reception signals. Oh boy oh boy oh boy, this is going to be fun! Where I can find the space to start building, I have no clue, but earthenware I need to feel you and coil you and build. So ta ta folks. I have jazzed, crossworded, cleaned, half kilned, breakfasted, blogged and now must begin to knead my way through to the next phase of art installation.
God kunst i dag til alle sammen!