The road to hell... yesterday I did get my blog written early and thought to myself, save it add some pics and make it a public post. Well... I got busy and forgot until going to bed. Typical! But today is a magical day as it is Norwegian Constitution Day, Syttende Mai! And I have a fun Norwegian day planned. With a little work thrown in and I want to share all of that as it is important to me,. But there are other things that are also important to me that I want to share as well so I feel like I am turning today's blog into a multi faceted one.
I am beginning to find my rhythm with Möbius Keramikk. I am realizing that I need to give more cues into what my objects are and how they should be handled. I have shied away from doing that as I hate being told what to do or how I should do something. When that happens I immediately want to do it in a different manner. But then I like boxes because I can work really creatively within them. Goodness aren't we all a bunch of oxymorons.
Part of this whole oxymoronic mess or moronic mess is, sadly, me. I am working hard to live in the middle way, or as I say in the grays. It is getting easier sometimes, but is not comfortable. And perhaps it never will be comfortable as I know that as soon as I do feel to comfortable with things I shake them up so I don't unintentionally go into a loop like I did before and end up... ?!? somewhere not in the middle way. But to complete my goal as an artist and artisan I have to apply for many many a thing. And to apply I have to believe that I could get it. I have to dream. And I can dream. Ohhhh, I can dream. Building castles in the air, easy peasy. I have to touch that extreme of bliss. The utopia. The perceived ideal. It is silly to apply or put myself or my work out there if I can't imagine it in the spotlight.
But. Well, but, it doesn't always get a leading role. Or even a cameo. It will get rejected for a myriad of reasons. And it is no use making a narrative of why it was as that is dangerous for the ego. It just didn't fit. It ks not in the cards. And that humbleness is SO hard for me to do. I want to vent and rage and curse. Even if it was something I was expecting. Or something I wasn't sure I wanted in the first place. It is still a rejection and a blow to the ego. So I am trying to quell mine. (my ego). Find ways that I can imagine that utopian bliss and recognize that I am there for just a minute. I need to go there to get my application out the door and my butt in my studio pushing myself to open new creative doors. But after I have that I pull myself back to the middle way and recognize that this is like Newton and will have an equal and opposite reaction. I don't know how it will be, but there will be a heartache involved at some point. So then, I take a deep breath, or 10 and move onto the next challenge.
Because I don't want to stop touching that creative joy of what and where my mind and hands can take me. That is a key part of me as a human and as a maker. But I want to work to understand how my body physically and mentally responds to touching the edges and can moderate myself with more calmness and ease.
Needless to say I have had some disappointments this week. BUT, I have had some wonderful things also happen this week. So I am learning how to navigate. And since it is me I am learning how to right the atlas as I go along. Talking with my brother about all of this he got what I was saying and understood this predicament. What he told me was that he has noticed that I am changing in that I am starting to take it in stride. I am not derailing and going into a funk as a result. So my goal is to keep on applying, keep on putting myself out there, and working to be the best me I can as a person and artist.
I am glazing a bunch of new work that has been bisqued and sitting in a box. It is so much fun! Applying for all of these things and drawing as much as I have been I am beginning to see a more definite link between my pen and clay. Thinking about shape in a different way, or turning it into a grid that I am making colored marks to highlight the space available. It's interesting as I can feel my perception shifting. I don't have the words to describe it well, other than a shift. almost a flattening in a way sort of. But just sort of. Ahhh.. confusion. It makes me think of painting when that has happened. but only a few times. I stop seeing the whole but only see patterns and color. I would depict just that, work it, and then "refocus" and see the whole and presto, it is a fabric curve! To me that is when it gets really really interesting. It becomes something other, a meditative experience. It doesn't happen too too often but when it does it is such a treat.
So yeah, I glazed, I went to the market and had a great time. I got people to pick up and handle my work. To take cards, to buy stuff. My goal is to get a grip on a life as an artist and artisan as selling grips to the world-- get a grip of my reality! A grip on life! A grip to gripe with! A grip to grope... ooh la la! A grip to gulp! A grip on sanity... and the list goes on. It's feeling good. And it is so great to be asked by multiple people if I will be back next week. It is one day at a time and I am making sure I am not building castles of selling everything I have made next market, but I will say that I am feeling happy sitting in the middle knowing that I am putting down some roots
Dude, this is turning into a short story - partially because my spray machine makes a lot of noise so I wanted to wait until 9am to fire that baby up. So thanks for sticking with this as the best is for last!!! (Or immediate best)
Norwegian Constitution Day.
This section if I do it as planned will be edited later and added to as fun things are planned. But more fun to write and read about things that happened and not things that may! So, 9am has come and it's time for me to get my fanny glazing. More to come later!