I dont know if I will write something tomorrow. I have a sale in Waynesboro which shouod be cool I hope. Theres always some story to tell
Right now my head is full. Not bad full. But full. I pushed this blog out into the public again earlier today. I do that every few weeks. I think, or hope that there is some some solid gold in here, even if its just gold lamé. I have a soft spot for gold lamé. I am now a bit uncomfortable that I did share a link to this. But I have known from the get go that I was writing a public blog. Of late I am going so much on Instinct, watch the documentary Inn Sæ (sp?) the first half of it is specyacular. And instinct said go for it and go for transparency to a slightly uncomfortable degree.
Some of it is laziness, a way to share a very intimate struggle I have been dealing with for a long time, an explanation of my idiosyncrasies, without having to shout, anxiety + head injury + the gene for addiction + art = a funny, complex gal. Some of it is also hoping that by being as brutaly honest with myerlf it can help someone out in ever expanding cyber world. That would also explain those two random circles with thumbs ups inside that appeared mowed into my backyard with the message "the owls are not what they seem" underneath. But it feels right. And I worry about getting to comfortable and too complacent. Too satisfied with the status/standard quo, that I become lazy in holding MYself accountable.
Last weekend I lost it. I was the me I didnt recognize or understand. And the funny thing was is I agreed to a challenge I knew would be difficult (Faberge t cups) and next to impossible to see if I could. To test myself. And I cannot. I CAN makethe physical objects better than I new I could. I used theoretical knowledge in a practical way successfully. I took them from 0 to finished and photographed in under a week. I was mother fucking wonder woman. And the only thing I abused was myself. Man. That is humbling. I didnt drink or smoke or do drugs, in fact I FORGOT to take my anti anxiety medication last Sunday. I was raw me and I kicked my ass. And confused others, and myself, in the process.
im rambling and a part of me feels I am talking or writing in circles, but there is a logic, I promise. I guess I think about being open and holding myself accountable on all fronts: When I challenge or push myself too hard into extremes AND when I get so scared of the results of the newor unknown that i become idle. Stagnant.
I must admit I love the high - its a word commonly used for a reason- of when the axons and dendrites are firing rapidly and pow pow pow yoj are going somewhere. There is a giddiness that is so fun to ride! But if not checked it implodes. And if not given some free rein it grows fat in the glory if its merits. Some of this giddiness was apparent earlier today in my blog. That is still there, or here, in my stomach. I think about it and i get all tingly and excited and eager for what is to come. But it is a joy that is the result of a lot of work and frustratiom and time. What is it, love is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration. That is what I have to remind myaelf constantly. That this elation is the result of a lot of thought question work denial and acceptance. I can never recreate just this same moment. And i cant or wont he thomas kincaid and vomit out banal porcelain bunny rabbits. And I also havr to remember that when I push myself to be wonder woman and abuse my psyche to make work, the work may be beautiful, technically sound, but I dont see it. I cant see it. i take away that 1% of bliss. And its a wierd thing.
i have looped through again, any wonder why circles are my favorite shape and I am currently working so much on a wheel? Art should disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed should he my next tattoo.
on a fun note, i got a few more shows applied to, worked on my website and named a few more pieces (rather photos of pieces) named my new aculpture (eeeek, my baby is going to look so great hung up and will hopefully soon have some new adventures himself) and went to an arab eveny by a student group at UVA. It was spectacular! Good food, great set up and so well executed. I was engaged and enchanted. My seat ticket also won a random lottery number draw. I was sketching (surprise!) and squawked in surprise, but someone stole thay chipotle gift card from under me! I still have my ticket to prove it was 120!
The standup duo was hilarious as 45 and obama. im bummed my phone ran out of storage. And the dancing! And singing! And poetry! And violin playing! It was a fully round evening of excellence. There were moments, especially the final solo songs, in which it was just so hauntingly beautiful that it breaks your heart just a little.
So tomorrow, Waynesboro. New adventure for Möbius K, and I will be along to record the journey. And watch the duck race at the end. As long as the duck race doesn't involve those stupid duck boats from Philly!
So new readers if there are any, my blogs are usually, I hope, thoughtful, but sometimes pretty funny. Wait until I get on a jazzercise kick. Judi videos can make most anyone laugh.