/ by Christina Osheim

This makes stretching look un-fun. UUUUUUGH! I remember hearing once that the perfect breast would fit in a wine glass. Whoever said that is demented or drinking from very different wine glasses. 

This makes stretching look un-fun. UUUUUUGH! I remember hearing once that the perfect breast would fit in a wine glass. Whoever said that is demented or drinking from very different wine glasses. 

I have spoken of my confusion regarding bras before. More than once I believe. And that journey continues. The saga of the traveling bra pad, tit topper, breast blanket has been explored. I thought I understood what it meant: lopsided, uniboob or crooked boob. How wrong I was/am. I am back in the early am jazzer-jitterbug jaunt. YAY! It makes me jubilantly jocular. This morning getting ready at 5:45 is me grabbing whatever is on top and appropriate for the jazz walk. We're not talking haute couture, but hot couture, or hot crops, hot coolats, hot cloture(hahaha, oh man, that'd be the day)? This morning was no different. Except the top sports bra had decided to double down on the left side. It was there, bright orange, and I thought meh, no one is awake enough to notice one booby a bit bigger. So I put it on and forgot about it. Until... half way through... I am sweating and feeling like my right nipple wants to fall off. It is itchy and in a bit of pain. What is happening?!?!?!?!? Left tit, totally tops! Right nipple feels like it could cut glass. It was the plight of the traveling pad! They are actually there for a reason other than having my nipple not show! They prevent chaffing! AAAAAARGH! (And that makes sense). Unfortunately a room full of sweaty women hopping around like demented rabbits dreaming of the glorious cup of coffee that awaits them post is not the place to pull out a pad from one side and insert it to the other... 

Bra, you won this round. And oh, you sly pads, I am onto you now and know your sneaky machinations. Next time I will be prepared! 

The other glorious thing is that I do not have anything scheduled. Nothing, nada, nil, zilch, zippo, zappo, crappo!!!!!!!! WOW! I have a day. A day..... A number of hours of unplanned time I get to decide what to do with. I could sit here and stare at the wall for 10 or them. And if that is what I wanted to do and did I would be a-ok with it. In my head anything productive or useful I do today is a bonus point. It is the icing on the cake. But the cake is what I feel like. Perhaps, baking one? Perhaps chocolate chip cookies? Oh my dear body, you have wanted this. 8am naps are underrated in todays world. The only thing better is when you go Lord of the Rings and figure that naps should be like second breakfasts, with thirds, fourths, and fifths if desired. 

So blog buddies, I have some good news. After a hiccup and venture into lunacy I am back, or more back in normal, hahahahahaha, oh man., flying colors. Expect more jazzercise jokes, bad puns, and alliterative annoyances in the future.