I am still tired. And its weird, trying to explain how I feel right at the moment. Not totally sure how to wriye it honestly/realistically without dwelling a bit too long on extremes.
so 3 things. Focus on 3 things i feel: stunned, deflated, perplexed.
I am following through and holding myself accountable in ways I haveny before. I really hope I can keep this up as I am having so muh fun in yhe process (im at the craft fair writing as it is quiet and just let out a BIG yawn as someone rounded the corner... and just dod it again...oops!!! its rainy and the fair is pretty dead in the water). But when I said ok to the Faberge egg project I was afraid id puss out or undermine myself along the way. I still am always a bit afraid of undermining myself but blunder my way through any mess ups.
this balloonhas run out of air. I am now making that gasping squeaky sound of resignment. I did the cups from design to first prototype in under 3 weeks! Whilr still showing and working on other projects. Wow!!! Holy shit!!! But I haveny had time to live woth them and now see only the flaws. And am like "pffft." This is how you spend your time?!? Also, the lady who comissioned them loved them but knocked one over and it broke. I was already tired and she is who will be paying me and it is ok. But I am stuck between wanting to laugh and cry. I made it to dc at 11 exhausted and now it is cold and rainy and the fair is dead in the water. I have my raincoat on and am damp with 2 blankets on my lap trying not to nod off. But I can see how this would be a really fun fair! If to weren't raining.
im trying to find my humor and spirits to write a funny thing. And I cant. I see the humor in a way but instead of laughing im tired enough that inwant to sigh and shed a tear or two. I think that I am getting better at controling my extremes, but still worry all the time that I err here or err there or over worry or over share and dig a hole that I enlarge by trying to fill it. I feel like i have been so good. And now wonder if im just as neurotic as ever.
so.... right now i am a nice azure like my rain jacket and the sky. But, my joyful spirit is still here as i saw kids climbingn a rock wall and loved that! And have 2 good friends to stay withtonight and a loveable pup to kiss all of my blues away and glorious sleep just a few hours away. So, my fine self. You are feeling low. Not surprising as there is finally time to breathe and it is rainy and im exhausted. So breathe. And thinkbof anne of green gables- i can soar to the highest of highs, but then get pulled back to earth. I am on earth. And it os earth day. And thank the good lord for heated car seats.