I am adulting. Or have been adulting and it is annoying. Patience. Acceptance. Holding my tongue. Not gossiping or being able to shake things and scream. Feeling I am RIGHT— I am the Buddha on the mountaintop sitting on the lotus petal and people aren’t listening to ME.
Dammit. This disease makes us (me) self centered silly people. And the kicker is as I am learning more about my disease and how to handle it I can also tell why I am having these flare ups. I’m like the sun- solar flares. (And again!!! I am the SUN! For Pete’s sake (to quote my mom) I am putting myself as the hub, the central, the zenith...)
i sent out almost 100 postcards today. So I am feeling vulnerable. And want to wear a cloak of comfort. To be coddled. Which is so silly. I sent out postcards sharing my work and a career opportunity straight ahead and seeing if people want to be a part of it. It doesn’t matter if I don’t get a dime from giving the postcards. I am getting my work into peoples homes, hearts perhaps, and trash bins. all as it should be.
today i will love for 20 minutes. But it’s harder to. I’m worried for people I care about. And worried that I will seem too up front or aggressive with this campaign. I just worry. And feel my poor heart cracking just a bit.
So I will stay quiet. Go see a friend. And go to a meeting. And pray for all.