I forgot to hit done last night. And ergo it seems I skipped yesterday and have a double feature today.
I am currently sitting outside at a holiday market. The weather is gorgeous. I wish I didn’t have a booth but a blanket and spot in the sun and could nap. *heaven!*
markets are so strange. There really is no way to tell if it will be good or bad. All signs point to “who knows” or “ask again later” or “?” This one despite being gorgeous is quiet. I had thought it would be bigger than it is, perhaps because in past years there does seem to have been a crowd.
It is really curious.
Well. About 5 hours later I’m now sitting on the couch at my studio listening to the band practice. I have some happy greasy dumplings in my belly and some hot, fresh coffee and am happy. Tired, but happy.
it makes me think of the word happy, and it’s overuse. Perhaps I mean content, or satisfied. A good friend met me after the market and scraped this tired vendor off the pavement. We were talking about self knowledge. In the way where you can look objectively at yourself and guide yourself through emotions and reactions. Paradoxically dealing intimately with yourself first so that you can then be active in the world. I am probably phrasing all of that incorrectly. It almost sounds like mastirbation- gotta get yourself off first then worry about your partner. hahahaha, oh man. I hope my mom doesn’t read this. She’s be horrified. Or she’d laugh. Who knows? Perhaps she pulls a market magic 8 ball move with a “ask again later.”
I am so lucky that these are the concerns my day is filled with. Right now I am having a repeat of yesterday’s “this is my life joy.” This is my life. I couldn’t be happier. It is not at all what I would have said or expected but goodness gracious, holy hell, I am one lucky lady!