Tired pork chop

Pork chop as I have been a pig and am eating cheddar bunnies. But I’m beginning to get off the tonic kick. My body has been craving *gasp* water and seltzer specifically!!! Huzzah!

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Today I am tired. Really tired. And it is rainy and dark and blah. I’m working to not get overwhelmed with the show coming up in NYC. So I am trying really hard to listen to my body and not obsess. There are 1k things I’d like to do but don’t have time to do them all well. Nor do I need to do them all. I have plenty. This is a form of my obsessive perfectionist alcoholic personality coming forth. Breathe, sleep, exercise, meeting and get good work done. Quality not quantity! And if I’m a hit at the show I can take orders.

Im about to get up (lying on my couch watching the vicar of dibley, which is quite possibly my favorite tv show alongside twin peaks, to go to a friends bday celebration.) And right now I am tired and want to just stay under my down comforter letting my currently icy steel blue tingle toes actually grow quite warm in contrast (hi, I’m Christina, a walking paradox 😜)

My problem that I recognize but don’t know how to deal with is asking for help. I need help and people so much, but feel like when I do ask for help the person I am asking it from is unable to give it for some reason. And I am not brave enough to say “I actually really need help.” Or I am too selfish/controlling to give up something to someone else. I dunno. It’s strange.

But this chica’s gotta get up and get dressed to go partay with the birthday gal! 😆

Christina Osheim