Park, indeed right now I feel like I’m in a park. I’m staying with a close friend who lives here with her husband. I have known both of them well for a while, gosh 20 plus years really. Geographically I have almost followed them as when I went to Cranbrook in Michigan they were both in grad school in Ann Arbor. I would spend some weekends with them to get out of the cran-bubble and so their apt, now house, feels like a second home in a way. Right now I am lying on their couch having just taken a nice nap and read for fun and am feeling really thankful (har har with the week that it is). —(and something I am realizing about myself is that I don’t have to codify feelings or situations to show how much or little work I have done to get to a place)
And that right there is what I was wanting to talk about today. I had a great weekend. I had fun and brought my cheer and sense of humor to a so so event. My attitude helped others have a better event. It was better because I was there. I hope that doesn’t sound arrogant or full of myself because I don’t mean in to. And this is going to turn into a very loopy circular convoluted rational for something that is super simple and a “duh” but is too simple and new for me to have fully grasped it without having to try and codify my lack of having to codify that I really had to kick my own ass to have it be a great weekend as it really was a disappointment in some respect.
life is a paradox. I am living living. ergo I am a paradox.
right now the sober work I am doing has me working on humility. To humbly ask god to remove my defects. To be humble. It is such a funny thing, a paradox, because you cannot be lazy and say well gods got the reigns I’m going to take a nap and hope that my dream is there when I wake up. Nor can you work until you are one sourpuss who deserves the gold but has gotten only an honorable mention (I fall into the latter of these extremes).
And So right now what I am having to do is remind myself that the goal is to be able to make a living doing what I love and share that love with the world. And even there. That statement. There is a me me me quality. My genes, god, the hp, fate, or dumb luck have given me a skill of creativity and I am doing my best to humbly ask god to help me use it. That is what I need to try to remember and put forth. It is terrifying to feel out of control in a way as the finances are so freaking scary. But that scary spot is perhaps where I need to be and by taking this risk I am showing that I trust? I don’t know. That seems like a bad, backwards, justified logic.
And this is it! PARADOX! I was speaking with a few people at the show @ Brooklyn Museum asking them about NY NOW a large wholesale convention I was asked to be a part of. The other potter there said that he wasn’t interested in doing something like that because it is production work and he doesn’t want to do production. My instinctual response was if I am setting the perimeters of production and it lets me keep doing this/making this my living, yes please! But it is a risk and a 2-4K risk. My gut is telling me that my work and I are ready. That this will take me somewhere. Or answer a question.
And I had a great time this weekend. This show proved what I had already thought- this means of sales does not work for me or what I produce. It is a door that I can not gently rest closed (leave slightly ajar as things can change and flexibility and fluidity are essential to this career.) (hahahahaha, clay! Flexibility! Fluidity! Slip ‘n slide! Slip! Oh man, I love language and how silly it is)
so this has been a fabulous busmans holiday! And I don’t need to codify it.
This has been a fabulous busmans holiday. (That is also an awesome book by Dorothy Sayers). Better yet my friend had clients cancel and should be home right about when I finish adding pictures to this post. Score life!