I’m sitting here at the Brooklyn Museum having a great time. So often listening to your own advice is key. I have told people and myself “you get to decide to be happy.” Or choose or opt or decide. And for the past few weeks, this months I have not been listening to my own advice. I have been irritable and mad that instant gratification isn’t an option for life. How narcissistic!
I remember talking with a friend about the frustrations of the adages of life or sobriety. You get so sick of hearing them. But the truth is they become so because they are also true. “It’s the journey not the destination.” That is one alongside with you can decide to be happy that I should have tattood on my ass, so every time I sit down I am reminded to be grateful I have a rump to rest on.
i was dreading this show since Washington. Letting it eat away at me. I was not happy joyous and free as a rule, I was happy and joyous and free under acute over anxiousness. I decided it was ok to become a nice stewed sourpuss.
somehow or somewhere I began to piss myself off enough for having too much “veruca salt” in my day to day life. “I WANT IT AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!” and decided that me going to NYC was a fact. I could put on my big girl panties and enjoy it or so could wallow in my leaky depends during the trip. Alcoholics really are toddlers who like to throw mental tantrums (or at least this one is).
So, I decided to enjoy the experience, or do my best to love the absurdity of it! And the show is about what I expected it to be (I’m sitting here writing this post during). And that is ok. More people are seeing my work, liking my work, GETTING my work and I can have fun behind the scenes playing with it all in my head.
Across from me in the museum are two Sargent-esque portraits of a Brooklyn power couple, Washington & Emily Roebling. He was chief engineer of the Brooklyn bridge and his wife has spent the entirety of this show looking benignly down on me as if to say “there there honey, your work is good and you will be fine.” It is a bit reassuring to look up and see the purple and gold (HELLO!!! Power couple 😜) easy ambience giving me a visual hug. I am hugging right back! I’m doing a test right now to see if sitting closer to the outside will work and still invite people in. I am turning This into a cat and mouse experience.
I am having fun. I can tell you writing description in my sales record book as “golden egg” is pretty awesome!
This being said the feeling like I’ve decided to be happy and find the humor and joy in it all doesn’t mean a part of me can’t still feel a bit sad. And then feel that sadness, recognize it is a warning sign of self pity and think that I am here showing in the Brooklyn Museuk for my first show and I wouldn’t change my booth or work. That is pretty ducking awesome! The duck is showing deference to the elite dame of Brooklyn looking down upon me w motherly eyes.