I am getting over being sick and feeling tired but itchy. I'm trying to think of how better to describe it. I have become friends with someone who has a drinking problem but describes themselves as a "functional alcoholic." And I see so much of my pattern in many aspects.

My situation became one where I could choose to not drink and live or continue to drink and almost certainly be gone now. 

So being sick and having these conversations, needing rest and sleep and feel deadlines looming, having my year anniversary fast approaching and in general so many things happening that I can't control make me throw up my hands, so my best to imitate Faulkner with run on sentences, and go: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! 

Nothing is bad. In fact much is good. And I am feeling the need right now to work really hard to not "grinch" myself.  I am happy with my life and working to be happy with me. Or as my therapist likes to say "build self tolerance." I am getting better at tolerating myself.


Right now it would be easy to fall into the trap of over thinking/self pity. And the kicker is I know the best way to avoid that is to work and keep busy. But my body might be saying rest. 

so now... drumroll... here is what I have been trying to pull out like a bad splinter- right now there are a lot of things that I want. And I may not be able to have what I want. 

My name isn't Veruca Salt and I can't have everything. "I want it and I want it now" doesn't fly in my life.


What this toddler must accept is all I can do is what I can do and the rest is out of my hands. *sigh* And in this process remember that I need to make sure ai am working to put the needs of others ahead of my own. (Not to slack on my stuff, but to make sure that my EGO doesn't become a one man (woman) broadway act that can emote until the neon lights burn out and wonder why they won't shine for infinity as I clearly am the most interesting awesome best person who also looks like a goddess to walk this earth. (This sadly is not too far off truth) I am a maker looking to share my joy with the world and successfully blow my nose. So Emma, running an errand for my mom, drinking coffee and wondering if I am too sick to play with my friends kids after church.

sooooo... coffee refill, baby nap, maybe church and then at 3 something ROAHLD DAHL!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ 


Christina Osheim